


Yubitsume

by TheEvilInThisChild666



Series: No More Heroes 1.5 [1]
Category: No More Heroes (Video Games)
Genre: Bad Snark, Blood and Gore, Broken Weapon, Dark Comedy, Gassing, Gay Bar, Idol Singer, Insanity, Major Original Character(s), Multi, Nerdiness, Nudity, Sleepy Cuddles, Sobbing, Torture, Training, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:07:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEvilInThisChild666/pseuds/TheEvilInThisChild666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinbou travels to Japan to hone her skills, winds up fighting the Yakuza. Prequel to "The Christmas Bowl".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Season of the Samurai

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Unfortunately, the last story was not the final time you would ever see me! I'll try to get this story done before classes begin again. If not, I'll finish it over Christmas break! So, try to enjoy!

~Shinobu's POV~

My plane touched down on the runway of the Narita airport. I woke up groggily and with a lot less stares aimed at me than when I got on the plane. Honestly, people these days are too squeamish about seeing a young woman dressed in nice black silk putting a sword in the overhead packing...thing. Whatever. I was lucky that the T.S.A. was able to let me take it on board due to some crazy cross-country law. Anyway, I'm not going to bore you with my running around the airport and getting all of my luggage and that crap. I should tell why I'm going to Ikebukuro in the first place.

As you probably know, I challenged Travis Touchdown to a deathmatch for both the 8th ranking and to avenge the death of my father. I was defeated and it turns out that Travis wasn't the one who killed my father anyway. So you can lop the pain of humiliation on top of the pain of losing my right hand. After the battle, I became depressed when I found out just weak I was compared to the other rankers. I didn't even go to my own high school graduation. 

Eventually, I decided it was time to stop moping around and wallowing. If I was among the weak, I would just have to get stronger! And who better to teach me than the man who opened my eyes to how big the world really is? I went to the No More Heroes Motel to enlist Travis' services as my mentor, but instead he just said:

_Listen, I really don't have that much time to be teaching you how to handle a sword better, okay? Find another master and check back in with me when you're stronger._

I took his harsh yet true words to heart. I should find a lesser mentor first, then come back when I'm strong enough to be taught by him. So, I did some sleuthing online, and I discovered that Travis' sensei was a man by the name of Thunder Ryu. I tried to find out everything about him, but all I managed to dredge up was that he was a wrestler and a former member of the Yakuza. Still, I researched more and more about him and discovered that he was involved with a group in Ikebukuro. While there, he was taught by some guy named Ai Taoka. It was at that last tidbit of information that I knew what to do: I had to go train under the man that taught my master's master so that I can be strong enough to train under my master. My sheer brilliance sometimes frightens me.

There's the exposition. Now back to the present, where I am hitch-hiking with a guy who keeps drooling at my thighs while he's driving me to the bar where I can meet my temporary sensei. It has been a long car ride with his long ramblings and my short answers. I'm actually wondering whether or not it was a good idea to reveal to him that I can speak Japanese.

<"...And that is why my wife and kids left me, but not before my wife shot me in the knee! Ha! So...where are you heading again?>

I sighed before reciting the address I found online. "XXX...Purgatory."

The man gulped while his glasses shifted a little on his face. <"A-are you sure? That bar is...uh...it's actually...">

<"Is there a problem?> I asked, getting a bit pissed off at this guy's sudden reluctance.

<"N-no! There's no problem at all!> he stammered back.

I was weirded out by this guy's 180, but I sucked it up until he dropped me off at the bar. He didn't accept any money from me, just said my company was payment enough. So he wasn't so bad for a middle-aged pervert.

With my long sports bag slung over my shoulder, I stood outside of the Purgatory Bar. It had pink and purple neon lines curving around the sign and its entrance was guarded by a red cover with golden poles. Also, the Purgatory sign had three exclamation points. That...that seems odd for a bar.

I walked inside and was taken aback by the aesthetic which really didn't fit my image of bars. There was blue and red carpeting like the kind they have in movie theaters. There were lights from every color of the rainbow scatter around the bar. There were velvet-colored booths along the side of the bar. I walked in a bit further until I was stopped by a girl who looked about 16 with short brown hair and a stringy red and white dress.

<"Hello, and welcome to Purgato...say, you're different-looking than our usual customers...">

I chuckled and answered, <"Well, I am American.">

The girl got nervous and answered, <"N-no! I know that! It's just that....you're not a...well, maybe you are...">

I was confused by this girl's babbling until some guy shouted <"REI!!! GET BACK TO WORK!!!">

I turned around to see who was shouting and saw a dude with some muzzle on his chin dressed in a red wig and a surprisingly well-fitted blue sparkly dress. <"You there, are here to buy a drink or to partake in our pleasures? Either do something or get out.">

<"I'm actually looking for somebody named Ai Taoka?"> I answered, still confused about this bar.

The guy in the dress sighed and stepped from behind the bar he was attended and motioned for me to follow. <"Come with me.">

I followed him through the bar and, as he led me pass the groups of gentlemen and women being entertained by those who ranged from crossdressers to more...ambiguous looking people, I came to a startling realization:

This is an okama bar.

I've only seen places like this in anime but this...I should have realized it sooner. Does Ai Taoka go here a lot? Is the guy in front of me leading to the VIP room to meet him? Is the person who comes here really going to be my master?

Not that there's anything wrong with this place.

The guy (or woman, I don't know) led me to the back of the bar. He opened a door that led to a personal office. It was red all over and had a onyx marble desk in the middle where a woman was signing papers.

She was kinda tall (okay,  _really_ tall) and muscular, but had a really beautiful if sharp looking face, graying hair, moderately sized breasts and a nice ponytail. She wore a white shirt that said SEX TO OUR ENEMIES.

<"Boss, this ganguro girl wanted to see you."> said the guy in front of me.

Wait...did he just call me ganguro?

<"Thank you, Janice. You can leave her here."> said the woman at the desk. The guy nodded and glared at me as he walked out. I stuck my tongue out at him before the door shut. I don't think he saw it.

<"Hello. What business do you have with me?"> she asked with a pleasant smile. I blushed a bit before remembering that I wasn't into older women and answered, <I'm looking for someone named Ai Taoka. Some information I received stated that he's around here a lot.">

The woman smiled and answered, <"You're looking at her.">

I felt like I woke up with exploding head syndrome and quickly tried to explain, <"N-no...the guy I'm looking for...is a guy. I've seen some photos and...">

<"I'll admit I was a little more...masculine looking in those photos, but I had some changes done and...this is me now."> Ai explained with that same pleasant smile.

I was in a state of complete shock. Sure, that guy in the photos was a total pretty boy but...I didn't know that...that...she...he...they...

<"B-but, you trained Thunder Ryu..."> I said to no one in particular actually.

<"Wait, how do you know about Thunder Ryu?"> asked Ai with a concerned look.

This beautiful, graceful moment was shattered by a loud crash from outside. I was snapped out of my stupor and ran out of the office with Ai behind me. I looked around for the source of the noise and saw the same girl was talking to earlier on the ground surrounded by shattered cups. Looming over her was some really fat, toad-looking guy who was wearing a slightly ill-fitting business suit. He grabbed her by both arms, lifting her off the ground and screaming at her, <"WHADDYA MEAN YOU'RE BUSY?!?!?! YOU'RE TOO FUCKING BUSY TO SPEND TIME WITH ME?! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!">

He was squeezing her arms so hard that they were starting to bleed. Everyone in the bar just stared in horror. Big, fat and ugly took notice of this and retorted, <"WHAT? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS?! I PAY THESE FAGGOT'S SALARY AND THEY CAN'T SHOW A LITTLE APPRECIATION?!?! FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!">

Ai scooted her way past me and attempted to walk up to the two of them, which was my cue to drop my sports bag and take out the Three Girl's Rumba. <"Let me deal with him."> I said and, without waiting for a response, I rushed past her. If she is going to be my mentor, I might as well show her what I can do. I quickly unsheathed my blade and slashed the arm of the toad holding the girl up in the air. She fell to the floor with a thud and then ran off to the bar to hide. 

The toad grabbed his bleeding arm and growled at me, <"FUCKING GANGURO SLUT...I'LL KILL YOU!!!">

**TEN OF CLUBS: HIKIGAERU OBUTSU**

The toad guy ripped open his shirt, revealing a bunch of colorful tattoos all over his chest and stomach. I guess he's Yakuza. Unfortunately, I didn't really have time to inspect the artwork more because he immediately swung at me with one of his giant arms. I backflipped away and jumped on a now empty table, which used to be filled with laughing patrons until they all ran out of the bar. He grinned and said, <"You're not bad-looking. Tell you what, I'll forget all about this little cut on my arm if you entertain me and a few friends of mine back at the headquarters...">

"Hmmm...." I said. Then I added, <"You know, it's strange...">

<"What?">

<"I didn't know it was possible to cross-breed frogs with pigs...">

The toad-pig grinned to keep back a frown and said, <"You must think you're real funny, don't cha? Believe or not, girls like you are my favorite...">

He got down on all fours on the floor as his throat inflated. <"...I love the sound they make when they BREAK!!!">

He launched himself towards me with a croak. I jumped out of the way in time only to be taken out in mid-air by his quick recovery leap. I slammed to the floor painfully while he landed on another table and laughed.

<"Too big for you,> _baby?_ " he snorted. I got back up and asked, <"Sorry, was I supposed to feel something?">

He croaked in fury and leapt to the ceiling then at the floor. I dodged him again and when he attempted to rebound at me, I cut him mid-leap. He croaked in pain (somehow) and crashed on the floor. I jumped on his back and stabbed right through all his fat again and again and again until he finally stopped croaking and started gargling. I got off him and turned away to swipe the blood off my blade. Suddenly, he got up and launched himself at me for one last shot. I expected this though, and I spitroasted him with the Three Girl's Rumba. He sprayed blood out of each end and slid off my blade with some disgusting sounds. 

I looked down at the mess and quiped, "You should have stayed at the swamp, toad..."

Ai, who I forgot was watching, walked up to me and shook her head. <"This isn't good...">

I nervously bowed and explained, <"I'm sorry! I know I took a hit and I left a big mess everywhere and I taunted him and...">

<"Not that!"> said Ai. <"This pig worked for a violent group in the area who fund this bar. They're not going to be happy when they see what happened to him...">

I couldn't say anything, because I tend to clam up with situations get confusing. Ai just looked at me until she sighed and said, <"Listen, just stop by next week. We'll talk about training and whatever then.">

I grinned and asked, <"Does this mean you will take me as your student?!">

<"We'll see...first, I need to clean this place up..."> said Ai as she went back into the office.

I practically skipped past the terrified employees as I grabbed my sports bag and went outside. I'm one step closer to being trained by Travis! I was in such a happy daze could barely notice a gun being cocked and pointed at me.

"F-freeze! I-I mean...<freeze!>" said a voice from behind me. I turned around and saw a woman in a cop uniform pointing a gun at me. She didn't have her cop hat so I could see her short red hair with that parted to show a big forehead. She had freckles on her cheeks, red glasses on her face and a bit of an overbite. 

She was also shockingly white for a cop in Japan.

"C-can you speak English?" she asked me while I was trying to figure out why she was pointing a gun at me. I finally remembered that I was covered in blood and carrying a murder weapon. I almost laughed as I chopped her gun into pieces.

She stared at me in shock while I wondered how to dispose of her body. I mean, she did see me after I killed someone. She could be a problem in the future. However, I remembered how upset Travis was when he heard about me killing those three snitching pricks from high school. He wasn't very upset actually, but it did lower his opinion of me somewhat. So I sighed as I jumped onto the cover of the bar and used that to jump onto the rooftop. 

The woman just stared at the ground for couple of minutes before getting back into her police car and...sitting in there for a couple of minutes. While I was watching her little emo moment, I just remembered that I forgot to secure a hotel for my stay. I cursed at myself for that until the woman started the car. A smile settled over my face as I thought of a way to kill two birds with one stone. I followed her car by the way of the rooftops as she pulled away from the outside of the bar, putting my sword into my sports bag quickly.


	2. Life on Mars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New perspective! New character! Lessened interest!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the whole 1/1 thing. I kinda rushed through the set-up. Hope there wasn't much confusion but hey! New chapter!

~Polla's POV~

_Ms. Cooper..._

_Ms. Cooper..._

**"POLLA!!!"**

I woke up with a spit trail connecting my mouth to my desk. I looked around to see where I was and I discovered that I had fallen asleep at work again. I must have come in last night after that girl chopped my gun into pieces...

 _"Ms. Cooper..."_ said Captain Abe with a sneer as he loomed over me. I forgot that he was in middle of shouting at me. <"I believe that you were going to regale me with your tale of how you managed to get your gun chopped up into many pieces.">

I smiled nervously while snorting a little and answered, <"W-well...c-captain...I was investigating the...incident at the Purgatory bar when...this girl...she...">

My stammering and stuttering was interrupted by Naomi walking over and cutting front of the captain. <"Sir, Polla's gun was stolen from her when she was talking to the victims at Purgatory. It was taken by force by a member of the Clubs. She found it in that condition outside.">

The captain nodded and then asked, <"I see. And why couldn't Ms. Cooper tell me this herself?">

<"It was a rough night, sir. She's still pretty shaken up."> Naomi answered.

The captain just glared at me and said, "Ms. Cooper, <you were transferred here because of your exceptional work on the Michigan case. If the work here is too much for you, I'll be happy to make sure that not only will you be going back to America, but that you will never work in law enforcement again! Now get back to work!">

He stormed off back to his office and slammed his door, Everyone stared at me for a bit longer, then went back to work.

Naomi just stood in front of me with a sympathetic expression. God, she was a blessing. With her long raven black hair tied up in a bun and her piercing blue eyes, she was the gem of the force. She has been looking out for me since I got here like I was a member of her family. She really was the gre---

_**WHACK!** _

My admiration was cut off with Naomi's cap hitting me on top of my head. She looked at me with a fierce expression as she fitted the cap back on her head.

<"Polla, I can't keep covering for you like this. It's always been one amazing blunder after another with you here!"> scolded Naomi. <"How on Earth was your gun chopped up like that?!">

<"You wouldn't believe me if I told you..."> I answered. 

<"Try me."> she insisted.

I put my hands up in the air in defeat and said, <"All I remember was this girl in a Gothic Lolita dress coming out of Purgatory covered in blood and cutting up my gun with her samurai sword.">. Naomi rightfully looked at me like I was an asylum escapee.

<"...And you're sure this is the person who killed Hikigaeru..."> she replied in an exhausted tone.

<"She was the only person on the scene with a weapon..."> I answered while putting my elbow on my desk.

Naomi sighed before stating, <"You're still investigating the Clubs right? I doubt they're going to like the fact that their main accountant was split open in an okama bar...">

I shrugged and said, <"I doubt that it would impact them much. Hikigaeru was only the main accountant and they got a lot of people lined up ready to take his job. He was not special.">

We talked about the case for a few more minutes before Naomi had to get back to work. Me, I spent the rest of the day digging up information on the Clubs, the group I'm supposed to be keeping under control. For a Yakuza group, they are usually well-behaved. But, while Hikigaeru's death may not effect them in the long or short term, I know of one idiot who's just looking for an opportunity to prove how tough he is by seeking "revenge"...

I got off at 5:00 pm and decided to head home to make myself some dinner. Today was stressful, so I thought I'd have beef ramen instead of shrimp ramen. That was pretty much my only concern as I walked to my humble little squalor a few blocks away from the police HQ.

"I'm home..." I said to no one in particular while taking off my shoes.

"Welcome back, _darling_..." answered a female voice from inside the main room.

I froze where I was before rushing over to my room to see something caused my heart to leap up into my throat. It was the same girl from last night, sans blood, on top of my bed in a  _seiza_ position. She was just smiling pleasantly like her behavior was completely normal and not the money shot in a horror film.

"Y-you!" I shouted while betraying my shock at seeing her. "Y-you're the..."

"...The unbelievably sexy vixen you saw the night before. Yes, that's me." she finished with a smile.

I gulped loudly and asked with a panicked sneer, "W-what are you doing here?"

She flashed a smirk before answering, "I'm just using your place as a temporary hut while I'm training with someone. As soon as I finish getting stronger, I'll be out of your hair..."

"You can't do that!" I shouted again, already feeling my voice growing hoarse. "You killed someone yesterday! I'm not sharing my house with a murderer! A-also, I don't even know you!"

She gave me a weird pout and said, "You're so mean. Saying that after I even went through the trouble of cleaning your little sty..."

"What?" I said before looking around the room. My mouth gaped as I saw what she did to my house. All of the trash bags around the place were gone! I could actually see the floor! And all of my papers were off the floor and stacked on my desk at the wall! And did she actually wipe down my refrigerator?

"I didn't touch the bathroom though. Geez, if there is a god, you should have an infestation." she added while stepping off my mattress. Now that I see her up close, she actually looks a bit taller than me. And her figure is a bit more...mature than I remember it being from last night. She smelled a bit like a vinyl shop so I guess she hasn't showered since she got here.

"Listen..." I said while looking away. "...You can't stay here. Besides the whole murder and breaking and entering thing, I don't have enough in my salary to feed two people..."

"That's alright." she said while standing a few feet behind me. I turned around in shock to see her picking up her sword that was propped against a wall near the entrance. "I brought my own cash."

I looked in front of me and saw her weirdly shaped sports bag sitting at the foot of the bed. I went over to it and unzipped it to find a wallet sitting on top of clothes. I took it out to look at the ID inside. 

"It says here your name is Scarlet Jacobs..." I said as I read it. She's also apparently twenty, American, from some place called Santa Destroy, and that she's apparently disabled. I guess that arm is not just fancy plating...

"HEY!!!" she shouted from behind me. "Don't go rooting through my stuff! Didn't you ever learn about personal space?!"

I turned around with a fierce expression on my face. "You've got some kind of nerve spouting that at me! Look what you did to my room! How am I supposed to find anything?!"

"You ungrateful little..." she began to growl before we heard a knock on the door.

"Stay away from it!" I loudly whispered as I crept towards the door. I looked through the keyhole and saw a young man wearing a doo rag, a white shirt with "Fuck For Life" printed on it, baggy green jeans and four gold teeth. Crap, I knew he was gonna...Wait, why was he baring his teeth at my door?

"Yo." he said to the door. <"Can you bring the gothic lolita bitch outside?">

"I don't know who you're talking about." I found myself saying. I really don't feel like handing this girl over to the Clubs, no matter how psychotic she is. After all, a cell would suit her better than Gomun's chair...

My thoughts were interrupted by something poking me in the back. The girl was actually nudging me out of the way with the hilt of her sword.

"Don't worry." She said with a disturbingly sweet smile. "I've got this."

She opened the door to confront a ranting Figgy, who was throwing a fit at the audacity of me to ignore him.

<"BITCH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT FUCKING SHIT!!! I ALREADY STOPPED BY THE FUCKING FAG BAR TO LOOK FOR HER ASS BUT THEY'RE CLOSED FOR SOME FUCKING REASON!!! I SWEAR TO FUCKING BUDDHA IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, I'M GONNA...">

<"Shut up, idiot. You'll bother the crows."> she said as she walked out in front of him.

<"Huh? What crows?"> said Figgy right as a crow flew over his head. A sword was then pointed at him along with the girl saying, <"If you value your life, you would put a belt on those pants and get the hell out of here.">

Figgy simply flashed his gold toothed grin and said, <"Alright, be like that. I was just planning to talk to you, but you gotta be all aggressive and shit. Whatever. I'm gonna deafen ya then take your dazed ass to a Soapland afterwards!">

**NINE OF CLUBS: FIGGY**

I stepped outside to get a better look because my curiosity overrules my common sense. That action may have somewhat endangered me, but at least I received the honor of witnessing a wannabe gangster facing off against a psychotic dark-skinned Gothic Lolita. The two made a small space between each other before drawing their weapons. The girl (I know her name is Scarlet but I don't feel comfortable calling someone by their first name until they give me permission and calling her Ms. Jacobs sounds kind of awkward) wielded her katana from earlier and Figgy pulled out his state-of-the-art Boom-Buster. 

The Boom-Buster was probably supposed to look like a giant sword from a RPG, but it ended up looking like a giant boxcutter with a few mini-speakers on the flat part of the blade. Anyway, Figgy pointed it at the girl and said, "You best be frightened because you about to be enlightened by this big fucking blade tearing right through your zechin!"

It's "said" instead of "rapped" because there is no way that sentence counted as a verse.

The rightfully disgusted girl mumbled something that sounded like, "Can't kill this guy quick enough..." and dash towards him with her blade. He blocked her with his sword, but she was clearly overpowering in the blade-lock. However, Figgy decided to show her the Boom-Buster's true power at this point by pressing a button on the hilt of his sword.

"S-scarlet!" I shouted, breaking my own rule. "Step back and cover your ears!" 

By some miracle, she did dash backwards to give me a weird look, only to be waylaid by a deafening screech emitting the Boom-Buster's sword. Yes, controlling sound is its ultimate ability. It was the best money Figgy's daddy ever spent.

<"Stay out of this bitch!"> I could hardly hear after the noise was over. I took my hands off my ears and opened my eyes to see Figgy swiping his sword down at me. He was a few feet away from me, so I knew he was using his Sonic Boom on me (Figgy's father is too rich for him to worry about copyright laws). A wave of noise destroyed the grass outside my house and went right towards me. I froze and feebly blocked while waiting for the inevitable until I felt myself being lifted off the ground. I kept my eyes closed until I felt the ground slam into me again and I used that opportunity to look at who saved me.

Scarlet was holding me around the waist while lying on the ground with me. She unwrapped herself quickly and got up before saying, "Stay here." and jumping back into the fray.

"Thank..." was all I could choke out before I watched her point her sword at Figgy. 

<"You want a taste of the Sonic Boom, bitch?"> mocked Figgy as he poised the Boom-Buster over his head.

<"Nope. But how about..."> replied Scarlet as she slowly swung her sword back. " **SONIC SWORD!"**  

A red crescent of light flew at Figgy like a seagull in the face of a five-year-old girl at the beach. He tried to block it with the Boom-Buster but it just parried his blade, leaving him open for a multitude of slashes from Scarlet. She cut up his chest and stomach before finally before giving him a horizontal slash across the waist.

"A-aw shit..." said Figgy in surprisingly well-pronounced English. Scarlet simply kicked him in the mouth, causing his upper-half to fall off of his body.

"Shut up..." mumbled Scatrlet, not knowing or caring that the blood fountain from Figgy's open waist was spraying all over her.

I finally lied back down on the ground and looked up at the sky. I must of passed out for a bit because when I opened my eyes, Naomi and the captain were standing over me.

I got up, fell back down, then got up again and saluted. <"S-sir! I can ex-explain...!">

<"Ms. Cooper, this woman says that not only did she killed that Clubs member, but that she also lives with you. Care to explain?"> said the captain with a glower that felt like he could just feel the wind pushing his toupee off.

I could do nothing but just stand there feeling like I was trapped in a spiral. This is it. My life is over. Here I was, thinking that I could become an international hero cop by making sure the Clubs don't cause too much chaos, then this...psychopath shows up, cuts up my gun, breaks into my house, kills my perp...saves my life...

I was so busy undergoing a breakdown that I could barely see Naomi whispering something into the captain's ear. The captain nodded, cleared his throat and said, <"Ms. Cooper, until we get a handle on this situation, you will be in charge of keeping an eye on this...person of interest."

I looked around to see who he was talking about. I knew who he was talking about but I looked around any way to calm myself down. All I managed to see was my destroyed mini-lawn, the squad cleaning up Figgy's body and Scarlet who was suddenly standing next to the captain and Naomi.

"By the way, about earlier..." said Scarlet with a smile. "...you can just call me Shinobu.". She punctuated her smile with a wink.

That wink might as well had been a bullet because it knocked me right back down to ground where I passed out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it truly begins...


	3. Irradiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinobu reaps what she sows and the bar is repaired!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Come one, come all! It's very talky but...you're used to that, huh?

~Shinobu's POV~

<"So...?"> I asked putting on my best puppy dog eyes for added effect.

<"So what?"> replied Ai, sitting to the left of me at the bar. She had a small cup of sake right next to her that she hadn't swigged from yet.

<"Are you going to take me on as your student?"> I asked again, really annoyed that she didn't understand my "So" from a few seconds ago.

"Seriously? You dragged me here to watch you do this?" groaned Polla, sitting to the right of me at the bar, as she took another swig from her beer. She turned to me with a flushed face and said, "I don't need to be here if you're just going to beg for a sensei."

"Shut up!" I shouted back. "You're here for another reason. I need you and Ai to tell me about these Clubs that the cops mention yesterday..."

"I could have just told you about that at home..." mumbled Polla as she put her head down on the counter next to her beer. What a lush.

<"Oh..."> said Ai with a smirk. <"You two share a home? Young people move so fast these days...">

Polla brought her head up with a start and shouted, <"I-it's not like that! She's just an intruder!">

<"You see how cold she is to me..."> I said with a pout for good measure. 

"Scar...Shinobu! Shut up!" she shouted back. She is really too easy.

Ai giggled a bit before clearing her throat. <"Shinobu, the Clubs are a part of a part of a mysterious group of assassins called the Dead Man's Hand. Usually, the Dead Man's Hand is independent, but this sub-group sold themselves out to the Yakuza decades ago...">

<"Yakuza group, got it."> I responded. <"So they are all after me because I killed that toad guy?">

<"No, but killin' Figgy may warrant sum unwanted attenshun..."> slurred Polla, having drained a couple of glasses. <"His father (hic!) is one of tha higher ups in tha Yakuza. He won't react well ta his son being bisected...">

<"D-don't you think you've had enough, onee-chan?"> asked the girl from the bar incident as she took away Polla's empty glasses.

<"Sh-shut up, Rei! And stop calling me that!"> shouted Polla at the girl, whose name I'm guessing is Rei, whose gender I'm guessing is female, and whose face I'm guessing barely needs makeup due to lack of it when she burst into tears.

<"I'M S-S-SORRY!!!!!"> sobbed Rei as Polla took her into her arms.

<"No, I'm sorry Rei! Please don't cry!!!"> sobbed Polla as she held Rei.

Ai and I watched that for a couple of seconds before she said, <"So you said you knew Thunder Ryu?">

I turned back and answered, <"I didn't know him personally, but he trained a man I admire.">

<"Is he still alright?"> she asked.

<"Ummm...."> I hesitated. <"I heard...he was killed in a rank battle.">

<...What?!"> 

So I sat there explaining to Ai about the UAA, the contest, and the news about why Thunder's gym was shut down. She sat there quietly for a few moments, which couldn't have been easy considering the crying babies to the right of us, before finally sighing and saying, <"Shinobu, report here in three days.">

I couldn't stop myself from giving a huge grin. <"Really? Does this mean you'll train me?">

<"I'm not sure why you think you need any more training, but if you want to learn some blade techniques, I can help you.">

"MOE!!!" I screeched, causing Polla and Rei to stop sobbing and look at me.

<"I really don't have much else to do besides paperwork. Plus, this will be good exercise.">

"Good!" I shouted before grabbing Polla and heading towards the door. <"I'll see you then!">

"Wait!" shouted Polla before she threw a bunch of yen in the air. "I forgot to pay!"

Of course I was too excited to listen. I ended up running out of bar and dragging Polla all the way back to her house.

***

"I can't believe it! I'm going to train with the woman who trained Thunder Ryu! This is so moe!" I said while stepping out of the shower. It was nice of Polla to help me clean it, although she won't get my thanks because bathroom cleanliness is its own reward and non-health hazard.

"I don't think you're using that word right..." said Polla before plopping onto the mattress with even taking off her clothes.

I stepped out of the bathroom and scoffed at her weird position on the bed. "The shower's free."

"Yeah, I think I'll skip...AH!!!" said and screamed Polla as she turned around to look at me. "Why are you naked?!"

I don't know what her problem is. I'm wearing a towel around my shoulders. "This is all I wear to bed..." I replied.

"Bed?!" said Polla with a blush. "You mean..."

"Yup." I said before jumping into bed right next to her. "I mean, you don't expect me to sleep on the floor do you? Don't be rude."

She just looked at me with a freaked out expression before jumping out of bed. "On second thought..." she said while grabbing some clothes out of the dresser, "I think I will take that shower..."

She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. God, she really is too easy...

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowzers! Whatever could happen next?! I barely know!


	4. ...And Super Creeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinobu vs. The Father and Polla vs. personal space!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, finally some violence! I just hope that we can eventually go back to it being from Shinobu's point of view one day...

~Polla's POV~

_When I woke up, I knew almost immediately that I wasn't  breathing air._

_I began to gasp and cough as I desperately tried to hold on to my precious little life until I heard a familiar voice..._

_"Stop coughing so much, It's creepy."_

_I turned around to see a naked Shinobu staring at me in the seiza position. Pissed that she didn't realize how threatened my life was, I snapped back "Shut up! Can't you see I'm suffocating?"_

_"You're not suffocating. You're talking, aren't you?" answered Shinobu._

_The logic in that statement was just insulting. Still, I couldn't let her have the last word and, after taking deep "breaths, I said, "But...there's no air and air is what people should breathe and how are we breathing without air and why are you naked?!"_

_"Where are we anyway?" asked Shinobu, talking to me after ignoring me!_

_I sighed and stood up. "Let me just...scope." I looked around and saw nothing but dry rocks and craters around us. I looked into the "sky" and squinted at a pale blue dot in the horizon._

_It was Earth._

_"Holy shit..." I said in shock. "I think we're on the moon."_

_"I can't believe it..." said Shinobu wistfully. "...So the carpet really does match the drapes..."_

_"Huh?" I said before looking down and seeing that I was naked too. I gave out a squeal and tried to cover my...coop with my hands. "D-don't look, p-perv!"_

_Shinobu actually giggled before saying, "I don't know why you're embarrassed. I mean, we're the only people here."_

_I'm pretty sure I didn't blush when I replied, "Yeah...but even so..."_

_My justifications were cut off by a shadow casting itself over me and Shinobu. I turned around and saw a giant sphere right in front of us and blocking our view of Earth. Instead of actually acting like shade and cooling us, it made me feel hotter and caused my breaths to become shorter._

_Shinobu noticed my pants and said, "Remember Polla, we can still breathe here."_

_"I know..." I wasted more of my breath by saying. "But I..."_

_I fell to the ground as I began to suffocate for real. As I lost consciousness, I could faintly hear my name being called and someone running towards me._

_***_

I woke for real still short of breath and being smothered by two fleshy sacs. I used just about all of my early morning strength to push away from whatever had me in a deathgrip and wound up falling onto the unforgiving floor. I staggered to my feet and looked at the bed to see what Sarlacc nearly just drowned me in its pit and instead saw Shinobu, still naked and with her arms sprawled out to where I was.

She had been using me as a fucking body pillow.

"THAT IS IT!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Shinobu stirred awake and gave me a glazed-over look of annoyance.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty..." she mumbled while sitting up. "What's your problem?"

"I'll tell you what my problem is!" I shouted while tapping my foot. "Your fucking dirty pillows just damn-near smothered me in my sleep! I'm not some old man on a business trip, Shinobu! That is not how I plan to die! So if you want to keep sleeping in my bed, you'll have wear some damn underwear! Got it?!"

Shinobu just stared at me and I had to check my person to make sure I was still wearing clothes. Yup. Good ol' white t-shirt and boxers. And it looks like I fell asleep wearing my glasses again.

Nope, Shinobu simply stared at me because she had fallen asleep while sitting up with her eyes open. 

"Hey!" I shouted, jolting her up.

"Yeah yeah, fine. I'll wear something when I sleep." she replied groggily.

"And no more using me as a teddy bear!" I added.

Shinobu just nodded.

After Shinobu got dressed, we had breakfast on a small travel table while watching the news. While I ate corn flakes and she ate an English muffin with cheese, some guy talked about how the Yakuza had a peaceful conference with the police this morning. I absent-mindedly thought about how lucky it was that I wasn't there . I'm really bad in meetings lie tha...wait, did he just mention the Yakuza?

I heard two knocks on the door. Shinobu began to get up, but I motioned for her to sit down. Surprisingly, she listened, and I got up and checked the peephole.

**FUCK.**

It's him. Smooth Kill a.k.a. Owner of the Largest Clothing Outlets in Ikebukuro a.k.a Yakuza Enforcer a.k.a Way More Powerful Than His Stupid Name Suggests a.ka. Figgy's Father.

<"Hello Ms. Cooper..."> he said in a polite yet really slimy voice. <"Would you mind stepping outside for a moment? I wish to discuss something with you...">

"Shit..." I said out loud to myself. He already knows so I can't play the deaf card, and there's no telling what he'll do to me when I step outside. I really only had one choice... "Shinobu...I need your help with something..."

After I explained the situation to her, we both stepped outside to face Smooth Kill. He still had long, black hair that looked like it was dipped in grease, Lennon spec sunglasses, his weird snake-like smile, and his red and black business suit. He actually grinned when he saw Shinobu step out, although it wasn't so much of a happy grin as much as it was a predator spotting his prey grin.

<"My my, what a lucky gentleman I must be to see you two lovely ladies at this time of the morning."> said Smooth as he checked out Shinobu.

<"Cut it out, Smooth. We all know why you're really here..."> I said while scratching my hair. <"Can you and Shinobu get this fight over with so that I can get to work?">

<"Before that..."> said Smooth while Shinobu yawned. <"...I have a message for your kouhai right there.">

I shuddered at the mention of kouhai, but Shinobu simply said, <"What?">

He gave a shit-devouring grin before he said, <"If you were smart, you would just take a savage beating and beg for your life before the  _Oyabun._ Even if by some strange fluke you manage to survive my fists, you are no match for the sheer blunt force of the Clubs. So what do you say: accept your punishment and get a slim chance at living, or...">

He suddenly tore his suit open and revealed a bare muscled chest with brown suspenders, large red finger-less gloves, no sunglasses and, most terrifying of all, a giant slick pompadour.

<"...you could meet your fate here..."> he finished with a snarl. Shinobu simply stepped forward and unsheathed her sword.

<"I choose C: Smash the fucking Clubs!"> she said before taking a stance.

**EIGHT OF CLUBS: SMOOTH KILL**

I chose to watch this battle from inside through the peephole due to what happened last time. I saw Smooth Kill dash towards Shinobu with his fist drawn back. Shinobu managed to block the attack, but it launched her onto the roof. I could hear her three-point landing from inside the house. Eventually, she leaped off and gave a downward slash at Smooth. He actually roundhoused her out of the air causing her to land on the still ruined lawn (maybe I should a landscaper). He then punched at her while she was still on the ground which, after Shinobu rolled out of the way to avoid it, caused a geyser of dirt to shoot into the air.

Screw the landscaper. I should just move.

Shinobu took advantage of the downpour to slash at Smooth while his vision was impaired. Smooth just clapped his hands together, sending Shinobu flying back from the sonic force (told you his name undersold his actual power.) At this point, I opened the door to see if Shinobu was still alive. I saw her stagger to her feet in front of a leering Smooth Kill.

<"Is that all you got? I was at least hoping that you would make this a bit more entertaining..."> mocked Smooth while cracking his knuckles.

Standing outside, I was shocked to see Shinobu with a bloodied forehead smile and say, "I'm just getting started."

She took a weird stance and said, " **BLOODY SUNDAY.** " What happened next blew my mind as Shinobu suddenly teleported in front of Smooth Kill and plunged her sword through his torso. I would say dash, but no way can someone move that fast.

Smooth Kill grunted as he spat out blood. He grabbed the blade that was inside of him, but Shinobu simply let go of it and used this opportunity to leap up and kick the shit out of Smooth's face. Smooth fell on his back in coughing up a few pints of blood...which became a spray of blood when Shinobu landed on his crotch, causing her katana to shoot out of his torso and back down to her hand (somehow).

She raised her sword and stabbed him again and again until the dirt and grass around them were painted a nice shade of scarlet. She raised her sword a final time and said, "There is no such thing as a Smooth Kill, loser." before lopping off his head.

She awkwardly jumped off him and walked towards me while splashing the blood off her katana with one swipe. "Are you okay?" I asked looking at her still bleeding forehead.

"I'll be fine. This isn't my worst injury, ya know." she said, gesturing towards her prosthetic arm. 

"Still..." I said before sighing. "Come inside. I have to clean you up."

"What about your job? You'll be late." she pointed out.

"Don't worry about it." I responded, leading her inside.

I'll worry about my lawn later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...Sorry. The next chapter will be much shorter with no violence and the chapter after that will much longer with more violence! See you then!


	5. Inner Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training time! Ai improves one of Shinobu's techniques.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this short one. It's okay if you skip it. It's just a "break" chapter before we get into the nitty-gritty with the next one. Enjoy...please?

~Shinobu's POV~

Ai led me to a warehouse just a few blocks away from Purgatory. This is it. After so much waiting and a couple more bodies cleaned up, I'm finally going to get some awesome training! Moe! I can barely keep myself from shaking!

But I maintained my cool composure as we walked inside the decrepit-looking storage unit. 

When we walked in, I immediately noticed the warehouse essentials: the large stacks of crates, the long chains around the place, the cracked windows, the musty air, the large target painted on the wall at the end of the room...

Wait, what?

<"Tell me Shinobu..."> asked Ai as she stopped walking in the middle of the room. <"How is Polla?">

"Polla?" I responded, surprised by the randomness of that question. <"Um, she's alright. She went to work late the day before yesterday and got yelled at. Then she told them that we needed to clean up another Club member's body and she got yelled at more."

"Hm..." Ai took the katana she carried on her back off its strap and poised it in her hand. "Polla told me that you knew the Sonic Sword technique..."

I managed to keep from giving a mouth tearing grin by smirking. "Well, not to brag but..."

"I would like to see it." Ai said with a gentle smile.

I couldn't keep my smirk from turning into a full smile as I took the Three Girls Rumba out of its  _saya_ and took a stance with it. After focusing for a bit, a launched a red crescent launched itself from a slash of my blade and right into the outer rings of the target on the wall.

"Tch!" I was aiming for the center!

<"Don't worry. Despite the appearance of this place, the walls are quite sturdy. A bomb could go off in here and the warehouse will still stand."> Ai reassured. I could only laugh weakly in response. That wasn't what I was worried about, but...

<"Let me show you something..."> said Ai as she took a similar stance with her own katana. " **RED**   **SOIL.** "

She slashed with such an intensity that I shook a bit. A large, red line swept through the warehouse, knocking some of the crates stacked on top of each other to to the floor, and smashed into the inner rings of the target.

My jaw dropped so hard it was painful to say the next word. <"H-how?">

<"Both the Sonic Sword and Red Soil are based on the phases of the moon..."> said Ai while sheathing her sword. <"The Sonic Sword is based on the crescent, obviously, while the Red Soil is based on the quarter. In order to use either technique, you need to rely on the energy of space.">

I was...lost. More lost than the writer of Nisekoi. <"So...my Sonic Sword is solar-powered?">

Ai just gave me another smile, although this one was not so much gentle as it was a forced sympathetic one.

<"Shinobu, close your eyes and concentrate. Try to feel the cosmos as you are in it and as it is in you. Focus on the energy it gives to your body and redirect that into your blade.">

I could barely understand what she was talking about, but I did close my eyes. I tried to feel the energy of the universe and let the planets align in my stomach or something like that, but I only ended up nearly falling asleep. 

While fighting off the Sandman, I saw (or remembered) my trip to the moon in my dream a couple of days ago. The one with craters and rocks and naked Polla. Heh.

<"Shinobu! Your blade!"> Ai shouted, startling me back into complete consciousness. I looked at the Three Girls Rumba and saw that it was glowing red. Redder than it usually glows when I do stuff like this. 

"Uh...um..." I stammered before panicking imitating Ai. " **RED SOIL!!!** " The resulting red slash sent a line of crimson light at the wall, creating a large cut on the outer rings.

"Very Good..." said Ai with her hand on her chin. <"...But you shouldn't rush so much.">

I laughed nervously again before clearing my throat. <"Um, did Thunder Ryu ever use a move like that?">

Ai's frowned a bit and I instantly regretted asking the question. But she relaxed and answered, <"Sometimes. To ward off energy blasts. It was never his favorite technique but it was quite useful.">

It was quiet for a bit before I finally asked, <"Can we practice some more?">

Ai gave a gentle smile again and said, "Of Course."

So Ai and...Master and I practiced until the afternoon, then had a few drinks at the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cut. Print. Next.


	6. The Red Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New character POV! That's not disorientating at all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Fluff over, blood now! I'm going all out in this chapter so hold on to your assorted genitals!

~Gomun's POV~

Oi. What a hot day. I mean, I don't want to come off as a whiner, but couldn't the outside of this building have any shade?

I'm standing outside of an apartment complex in one of my best suits (white overlay, pink undershirt, rhinestones tastefully sewn down my pants, the works) and my clients aren't even coming out to greet me. Honestly, the nerve of some people.

I started to walk towards the entrance after waiting for five minutes past the meeting time, but a series of crunching sounds coming from my limo stopped me. I groaned as I turned around to knock on the window.

<"Hebi! Keep it down in there! I don't want passerbys talking!"> I shouted at the window like a maniac. At this point, people are going to be talking about  _me_.

He just replied with a bunch of growls and roars like he was hot shit or something. Little brat.

<"Listen, after I finish this job, I'll get you some more food okay? Will that keep you from eating the bones?"> I can't believe I have to negotiate with this moron.

Hebi, of course, replies by slamming his grinning face into the window. He looked quite a sight with his messy white hair, red eyes and bloodstained teeth.

...I swear, if he gets one bloodsplatter on my window...

<"Wait right here..."> I say in defeat as I walk away from the limo and towards the apartment. I can be such a martyr at times. 

I have no idea what Onna sees in him.

I walk in the apartment and start heading up the stairs to the fourth floor. At the second floor, I encounter a nice-looking young man on the stairs ahead of me. He had hair that was neatly matted across his head and a boyish face twisted into a frown. He was wearing a lovely blue shirt and well-fitting jeans. He was truly the whole package, but I couldn't help but think that he was missing something...

<"Hey queer, are you going to move or what?"> he said in an angelic voice.

Ah, that's it...

I took out one of my particularly long needles and quickly pressed it into his throat. Just as I expected, the blood that ran down his neck and inside his shirt made him irresistible. The gagging noises he made as he fell down the stairs were quite the symphony as well. I hope that no girl already has him...

I walked up the rest of the stairs to reach room 444. I hope that they have a good explanation for making me wait outside for so long, or I might get really upset...

I knocked on the door a couple of times. After a few seconds (do these people always make others wait?), I heard some footsteps approach the door. I smiled into the peephole in case they saw me. I heard some curses and fervent running from the door. After a minute, I decided that this kind of rudeness was inexcusable. I picked the locked to the door with one of my needles and walked inside.

I could hear a gasp and a shush coming from the room to left. Which was great because this room was already beginning to bore me. All it had was a rug, a t.v. in the corner, a couch, a bookshelf with a few magazines on it, and a plant. A fucking tall house plant. Haven't these people even heard of feng shui? They don't deserve to eat vegetation, let alone display it.

I walked into the room on the left and found the most boring dining room I've ever seen. A painting of trees on the left wall, a kitchen area to the upper-left and another fucking house plant in the upper right corner. The patio at the end of the room was a nice touch though.

And don't get me started on the table.

It was oblong with different colored pillows seated around it. It had way too many cuts into the wood and spread on top of it was this ugly green and yellow checkered abomination. And the things seated on top of those pillows, _ugh!_

Oh wait, that's the family...and they're  _praying._

Disgusting.

<"Good afternoon!"> I shouted, not wanting to be as impolite to them as they were to me. <"I do not wish to disturb your...ritual, but I'm here to talk to a Mr. Gari.">

One ugly, rotund man with huge lips threw himself down on the floor at my feet. Gari was never one for dignity. <"P-please!"> he whined in a deeper voice than a loser like him deserved. <"I-I am sorry that the money has been late this month! Just give me one more week! I beg you! Please!">

I looked away from him (because he was so unpleasant to look at with all that snot running into his mouth) and looked at the rest of the family at the table. The mother was had an old charm to her with her hair tied back into a bun and staring at me with fearful eyes while holding her daughter. And the daughter herself had cute little braids that trailed down her neck while she buried herself in her mother's bosom. And the gentleman on the other side of the table, who I assume is the son, glared at me with hateful eyes attached to a rather cute face.

I guess Gari succeeded in having a presentable family at least.

I sighed and looked back at Gari. <"You caught me in a real bad position here, Gari. But I'm a merciful man. I'll suspend the debt for another week...if you give me five minutes of your time.">

Gari looked up and gave me the ugliest smile I have ever seen in my life. <"T-thank you! Thank you, Mr. Jab... **EAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** ">

Gari gave the most annoying scream I have ever heard when I drove a needle through his hand and straight into the floor. Geez, try to take pain more like a man. 

<"Come on, Mr. Gari. We have four minutes and fifty-five seconds to go..."> I gently told Mr. Gari.

The wife screamed as the girl cried and retreated her head again into her mother's breasts. The son, however, stood up and shouted, <" **YOU BASTARD!!!** "> as he charged at me.

Assertiveness. I like that in a man.

I took my kukri out from inside my suit and cut open the underneath of his arm as he punched at me. He crashed to the ground splattering blood everywhere and looked at his hand in disbelief. He then turned to his worthless shit of a father who simply said, <"Daisuke, stop. Please."> Well, Daisuke was more of a man than his father expected apparently as he immediately got up and launched another punch at me. It pained my heart to take a true work of art like this out of the world, but he could actually learn from this experience and pose a threat to me in the future. So, with much sorrow in my heart, I plunged a needle through Daisuke's lower jaw and out through his head. 

He fell to the ground, unable to scream or gag but just make gargling sounds. I was transported to a state of utter euphoria from the tears that washed down his face as he slowly passed from this world to the next. His mother screamed in despair and held her daughter tighter. His father just stared in shock. 

Such a boring reaction.

<"Mr. Gari, we still have four minutes and thirty seconds to go..."> I said with a throb coursing through my entire body. I turned Gari around to face his family without taking the needle out, snapping his arm in the process. He vomited from either the stress or the pain. Whatever. Either way, it was very disgusting and highly inappropriate.

<"Since you're too boring to play with, I guess I will spend the rest of our time playing with your wife."> 

Gari gave a look of utter horror that would have been quite arousing if it had been on another face.

<"Don't worry. She's not my type..."> I reassured with a comforting smile. <"But, I am kind enough to show her some token affection..."> 

I walked over to his wife who let go of her daughter. <"Run!"> she shouted. The little girl, bless her soul, tried to run into her mother's arms again, but the mother just pushed her away. These two better stop before I experience a pleasurable yet embarrassing experience in front of these people.

I lightly stroked her face before slamming a needle through her foot. She let out a scream before I slammed a needle into her other foot, turning it into a pained gasp. Then, positioning her so that her loving husband can see, I got to work.

I used the mini-needles I keep in the notches in my belt coated with my special home-bred poison and slowly plunged them into every sensitive area I can get to on her body. Inside her ears, under her eyelids, under her nails, in her...extremities.

The wife's beautiful screams died down to moans of agony. I was so focused on my fun that I could barely hear Gari tear his hand out away from the needle and charge at me himself. Hm, guess I underestimated him.

However, I still heard him and I quickly turned around and plunged another one of my larger needles into his eye. He fell over with a thud as his wife gave out a few raspy noises. I guess she was still trying to scream.

Already coming down, I remember that there was still the daughter to attend to. I stepped over her incapacitated mother to have a chat with her. She eyed me fearfully as a pungent smell filled the room. Goodness, isn't she old enough to be potty-trained? I mean,she looks five or six.

<"Listen, kid..."> I began as I got on one knee to make eye contact with her. <"I'm already spent for the day and I don't get the same feeling of accomplishment torturing children, so you are off the hook. But! I know that this isn't the end of this moment for you. I will be in your every waking thought, all of your nightmares and a few of your more confusing wet dreams. The only way to lead a normal life after this is to grow up, train and take revenge on me! The road ahead of you will be long and arduous, but remember, no matter how you travel it, I will be waiting at the end of it!">

My inspirational speech was interrupted by poundings at the door. Eventually, Hebi crashed through in all of his cloak-wearing, blood-covered, poor-posture having glory. 

" **HUNGRY...HUNGRY...** " he predictably moaned. I facepalmed as turned back to girl. I forgot all about him. 

<"Um...my bad. It turns out this is where your story ends. But uh, look on the bright side! At least you get to see your mother and brother again. Not your father though. He was a jackass and he is going to fry for it. So...bye!"> 

I walked away from her as Hebi descended upon her. I could hear the crunches and snaps and screaming sobs as I exited the room. We really do spoil that boy too much.

Still, i'm not entirely blameless. I left way too big of a mess of this time. Onna's gonna be pissed.

I sighed as I went down the stairs and headed outside. It really is hot today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I wonder what Shinobu and Polla are up to?


	7. Machine Muzik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinobu shatters a false idol!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Okay. Wow. First off, I want to apologize for the sudden...graphicness of the previous chapter and the rating change. I honestly didn't think it was going to get that violent. Secondly, sorry for how long this took. Had trouble coming up with how this fight should play out. Thirdly, song time!

~Polla's POV~

"I'm supposing you really don't want the department to handle this?" I asked as we walked down away from the busy streets of Ikebukuro. Shinobu had just received yet another challenge from the Clubs, and this one called her out to a building somewhere on the outskirts of the city.

"She called me out, didn't she? And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't listen to the cops. Relax Polla, I got this." she answered. I'm starting to wonder why I even asked. I know how Shinobu gets before a battle now. Despite the calm response, I can see her practically shaking with excitement. She won't be satisfied until she's cleaning blood off of her blade.

And yet, the chief wants me to just keep an eye on her.

I don't get it. I'm a cop. Isn't arresting killers what we do? I mean, I can't take action against the Clubs because they're associated with a violent group but just sitting back and letting Shinobu go up against them is just plain irresponsible, isn't it? She could get killed, or worse...

"Alright, this is it." said Shinobu, snapping me out of my rather dark imagination. We are in front of a building that looks like a giant gray cube. On the top of the entrance, it read <"Super Sparkly Fun-Time Paradise!"> Geez, if that's what they're going for, whoever built this place needs a better sense of aesthetics.

Shinobu kicked opened the glass doors and walked inside, with me trailing after her. As we walked down the long dark hallway, I heard an odd feedback coming from the room ahead of us. I could barely remember the ranks of the Clubs but if that noise is being caused by who I think is causing it, Shinobu may be walking into a grinder...

Shinobu pushed open the doors to the room at the end of the hall (kicking must have played itself out). We were both greeted with a bright light flashing on at us. After shielding my eyes with my arms, I peeked at the source to notice the light getting dimmer. Instead, it was replaced with annoying rainbow lights strewn throughout the place along with the floor lighting up like a discotheque.

"Ugh, is she trying to defeat me by giving me a seizure?" groaned Shinobu as she looked around. 

After Shinobu said that, the sound of gears whirring filled the area. A stage suddenly rose up ahead of us and a platform rose out of the stage itself. I stared in confusion until I remember who had a tendency to make entrances like this. As soon as I saw the fog pour down from the platform, I grabbed Shinobu by the arm and dragged her away from it.

"Polla! What the?!" Shinobu shouted.

"Don't touch the smoke!" I shouted back.

Just like I thought, the "fog" froze the few spots of walls and floor it managed to reach. At that point, a bright green light shone on the platform, revealing a girl posing with her finger in the air.

Sharon Minmay hasn't changed a bit.

With her green hair tied into two large twintails, her frilly black dress, and her red platform shoes, she definitely looked a sight. Not a good sight, but a sight none the less.

<"Polla! It's great to see you!"> shireked Minmay in her shrill, overly-cutesy voice.

<"Um...hey Minmay. Long time, no see..."> I weakly replied.

"You two know each other?" asked Shinobu, impatiently tightening and loosening her grip on her sword.

"It's a long story." I answered, not wanting to go into the disaster that was my personal investigation into her.

"EH?!" shouted Minmay, finally showing her twenty pack a day voice. <"Who the hell is that ganguro slut standing next to you?!">

<"Who are you calling ganguro, bitch?!"> Shinobu shouted back.

Minmay gritted her teeth and growled, <"I'll take my time in skinning you, whore! Then, my darling Polla will escort me out for a drink!">

I turned my head so that I couldn't see Shinobu "Seriously?" face directed at me.

<"Nice try, Pururin Pururin. But I'm not interested in fighting a little girl."> said Shinobu while looking around the room.

"Um, actually Shinobu..." I said while trying to correct her. "...She's twenty---"

<" **DON'T TALK DOWN TO ME YOU SKANK!!!** "> screamed Minmay as she took out a microphone and pressed a button on the bottom of it. <" **I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU COME BETWEEN ME AND MY POLLA!!!" >**

I facepalmed as Shinobu unsheathed her sword.

<"Listen here, Hatsune..." began Shinobu. "...I don't know what's going on between you and Polla, but I now know that you're old enough to have a better mouth on you. Maybe a couple of cuts will fix that for you...">

Minmay snorted and spat back, <"I'll let dedicate this number to the memory of Shinobu, the gutter-trash that dared to stand between me and my darling Polla...Min-min!">. The speakers set up by the button rose up below the platform and pointed themselves towards Shinobu...

**SEVEN OF CLUBS: SHARON MINMAY**

The speakers blasted a shockwave at us, sending us flying to the back of the room.

"Ugh, it's Figgy all over again!" complained Shinobu as she got to her feet. 

"If I know Minmay (and unfortunately I do), she has this entire room rigged! Everything will be trying to kill you!" I explained. 

Almost as if the universe wanted to prove me right just to screw me over, the disco floor began to shoot up flames that moved from the front of the room towards us.

"Polla, go to the side. I'll take care of Minmay." Shinobu said while taking a stance.

"You won't be able to reach her!" I shouted. "Her platform is surrounded by a force-field that is impenetrable to any..."

A laser from the lights on the ceiling cut me off by shooting at the floor between me and Shinobu. That near-third-degree-burn experience gave me an idea.

"Shinobu!" I shouted as I ran to the side of the room. "Deflect the lasers toward the platform! I'll take care of the rest!"

Shinobu nodded then leapt over the wall of flame that reached her. While she was up, she blocked a laser towards the platform causing it to shake and the force-field to flicker.

Minmay growled and said, <"Asshole!"> before pressing the button on her microphone again. The flames disappeared and the floor began to shoot up spike rapidly. Shinobu gracefully danced around them before deflecting another laser at Minmay's platform. Again, the platform shook, the force-field flickered and Minmay cussed while pressing the button.

This time, the floor shot gusts of wind that lifted Shinobu off the ground. "Uh-oh..." I mumbled when I saw Shinobu trying to dodge all of the lasers while weightless. She barely moved out of  the way of the blasts before a laser torched her side. She winced before regaining her composure and deflecting another laser at the platform. After the familiar shake and bake, Minmay's sweat began to ruin her make-up, turning her into Sadako's old maid of an aunt.

<" **YOU'RE DEAD!!!**!" > screamed Minmay before pressing the button again. The disco floor turned into ice this time, making Shinobu's landing less-than-stellar. She landed directly on her ass and immediately had to roll of the way of the more aggressive lasers. She struggled to keep her balance when she got up while also trying to avoid the lasers. After some very sad-looking ice-skating, she managed to accidentally deflect with a laser with a clumsy swing of her sword. The laser was sent into the platform for one last time, toppling it and destroying the force-field.

"Now, Shinobu!" I shouted as Shinobu dashed towards Minmay, who was staggering up from the wreckage.

<"Don't...fucking...underestimate me!!!"> shouted Minmay as she took a microphone stand out of the wreckage and clashed against Shinobu's sword with it. 

"Crap..." I mumbled. That microphone stand is made of the same stuff that is used in beam katanas and I have seen her smash a guy's head in with it in one swing.

Minmay was not intent on playing fair so the lasers were still operational and shooting at Shinobu. Making good on my "taking care of the rest" from earlier, I took out my Colt .357 and shot the lights down, one by one.

Shinobu and Minmay were too wrapped up in their fight to care, however. Shinobu in particular seemed to be taken aback by Minmay's sudden berserker rage, being only able to defend herself from Minmay's sudden, strong, and unpredictable strikes. Eventually, the strikes took their tool and Shinobu's blade began to crack.

Shinobu must have been as shocked as I was because she froze to look at the blade she was blocking with over her head. Minmay took advantage of this hesitation and brought the stand on her blade one more time...

_**CRACK!!!** _

Half of the blade fell to the floor. Shinobu stared in horror while slumping to the ground in a twisted knee position. She picked up the broken blade in one hand while the other hand held the hilt that still held some of the blade. She stared down at them in a catatonic state.

<"Aw, did baby break her favorite toy?"> Minmay before raising the stand above her head. <"Don't worry! I'll break you next so that the blade will feel less lonely! Min-min!">

I shakily aimed my Colt at Minmay before I heard Shinobu mumble something.

"You...you..."

"Eh? <"What's that, little girl?"> Minmay piled on.

"... **YOU BITCH!!!** " screamed Shinobu before she dashed forward and cut Minmay's left underarm with her broken blade.

Minmay screamed in pain while squeezing her wound. She turned around with a look of pure fury on her face, only to notice that Shinobu was gone. Another slash cut her right arm, forcing her to drop the stand.

For the next ten seconds, Shinobu unleashed a flurry of slashes all around Minmay, cutting her from head to toe. When she finished, Minmay was covered in blood and cuts while staring at the ceiling.

<"I can still hear...the crowd..."> she moaned before falling over.

Shinobu stood there covered in Minmay's blood, looking so enraged that I was afraid of walking up to her. However, her furious face gave way to sobbing one, and I had to run over and catch her before she fell to the ground.

"Polla...my sword..." Shinobu cried into my shoulder. This is freaking surreal. I may have only known her for a few weeks but Shinobu is definitely not the kind of woman who cries like this. What did this sword mean to her?

"Um...Shinobu...I know someone who can fix it." I said.

Shinobu lifted her head in shock, leaving a snot trail leading from her nose to my shoulder. "You do?" 

"She mostly does beam katanas, but she crafted katanas back in the day. I'm sure she'll look at yours." I reassured with an uneasy smile.

Shinobu threw her arms around my neck and brought me in for a suffocating embrace. I thought I was going to snap in half before she let me go and walked towards the doors. "Come on!" she said. "I promised Ai I would take you in for a few rounds! And you know how creepy she gets when she's pissed!"

Without even thinking, I said, "Why? Because of the prosthetic pinky on her right hand?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And suddenly, there was a normal chapter...


	8. The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weird dream, new weapon and another challenge! Heart-pounding and brief attention-grabbing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this and chapter nine were going to be one chapter, but I sliced them so that I could get them done quicker. Anyway, enjoy the moon!

~Shinobu's POV~

_I woke up surrounded by a familiar grey and rocky landscape. I got up and looked around._

_Yup, I'm on the moon again._

_And if I'm on the moon, that must mean that a certain officer must be passed out around as well._

_Sure enough, within a few seconds of looking at the ground, Â I saw Polla curled up on the ground, sans clothing, snoring as if she was trying to drive away a storm._

_I walked over to her and squatted down in front of her and began poking her face. Her snoring stopped as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at me._

_Or, actually, she just saw my breasts hanging in front of her._

_She skitted away like a cockroach when the kitchen light is turned on. When she was a few feet away from me, she said, "Shinobu?! Why are you...wait, are we on the moon again?"_

_"Looks like it." I answered. Polla got to her feet while trying to adjust the glasses that were not on her face. "What do we do now?"_

_"The moon is a big place..." said Polla while walking ahead of me. "Let's look around."_

_I didn't answer but I did follow her. As we walked, we saw normal moon craters, then giant moon spires, then giant moon formations that looked like weird creatures that came from the abyss of the ocean, and finally, grasshoppers._

_"I didn't know they had grasshoppers on the moon." I said while watching a swarm of them hop by to gather on a formation._

_"I didn't know people could breathe without oxygen but hey, now we know better." Polla snarked back. Geez, what's her problem? I'll show her..._

_"Hey Polla, you seem to get used to seeing me naked..." I teased. Polla froze in her tracks. "...Does this mean I can start sleeping in the bed naked again?"_

_"N-no!" said Polla while a blush reddened her face...and a couple of other areas._

_"I didn't know assess could blush too..." I noted while academically studying Polla's butt._

_"Sh-shut up, perv!" said Polla while she blushed all over. A little longer and she would have turned into a human tomato._

_However, Polla's transformation into a fruit was overshadowed by another swarm of grasshoppers swarming ahead of us._

_"I wonder where they're going..." I thought out loud._

_"What?! Oh..." said Polla as her skin returned to normal. "Let's follow them and find out."_

_We were led by the Orthopteras to a big field that had a castle in the middle of it. Instead of questioning why there was a field on the fucking moon, I was distracting by the bright lights emitting from the castle, which looked like it was modeled after the one on the Disney logo._

_I stood there hypnotized until Polla asked, "Who's that?!"_

_Right ahead of us and in front of the castle was a guy with his back to us wearing a suit. He wasn't exactly pulling of the suit because he was really old, with an almost bald head, liver spots on his neck and white hair on the back of his head. Wait...why does he get to wear clothes?!_

_"HEY!!!" I shouted at him. He began to turn around to look at me..._

I woke to the sound of Polla's alarm. Polla was sleeping right through it while being curled around me like a cloth around a branch. I managed to reach up and press the alarm on the windowsill right above us...which might not have been a good idea because now I can hear the sound of Polla snoring into me.

I gently kicked her off the mattress. After the satisfying thud, she woke up dazed and confused. "Wha...huh?"

"We got somewhere to go today, remember?" I said before heading into the bathroom to shower.

After the morning routine of showering and eating breakfast while watching the news, Polla and I headed out to see the woman who could fix my Three Girls Rumba: Dr. Naomi.

***

"This is it." said Polla as we stood outside of a building with a yellow grate. Polla slammed her fist on the grate a few times, shouting "Doctor! It's me! Open up!". A voice from inside shouted back, "I know no "Me"! Get off my property!"Â 

Polla folded her arms and replied loudly, "Maybe a unit can come by here for a random check and discover all those government secrets you've been hiding..."

After a short pause, the grate automatically opened up. We walked inside to see a lab with papers strewn everywhere, computers perched on different desks, and filing cabinets on their backs all around the room.

"You don't need to be so stringent, Polla..." said a woman sitting in a swivel chair near one of the computers. "You know I was just kidding."

She was wearing yellow shades and a yellow and black jumpsuit with the cleavage apparently cut out, showing off her really, really, really,  _really_ impressive boobs. Seriously, those things could compete with a 65-year old nursemaid's tits.

"Well, next time you should respect your guests better." retorted Polla while crossing her arms. "There's something I want you to look at."

I took that as the signal to hand the broken Three Girls Rumba I was holding over to the doctor. After a pause that she spent looking at my non-organic arm, she took the sword and began looking at it. Then, following the longest five seconds in my life, she said, "I can fix this in three days."

I exhaled like I had just pull a wooden stake out of my stomach and candy poured out. "Thank you! That is so great to hear..."

"However..." said Dr. Naomi with a smirk. "I can't do this for free. I'll need something in exchange."

"What? What do you need?" I said in a more desperate way than I intended. "Do you need money? Spare parts? Somebody to die? Please say you need somebody to die..."

"I need..." Dr. Naomi said with a gratuitous pause for dramatic effect. "...your body."

...

"What." I didn't ask so much as demand.

" **WHAT?!"** Polla didn't ask so much as threaten.

"Your arm has fascinated me. I need your permission to use the image of it to design a weapon that I have in mind." Dr. Naomi thankfully clarified.

"Oh. Okay..." I consented. I think.

"Sorry. I got in a lot of legal trouble with people recently and I just want to be careful. You are aware that you're being recorded too, right?" 

"Look, can you just fix her sword?" Polla said before slinging her arm around me.

"Sure. Consider it a favor to my favorite grungy little pig..." Dr. Naomi mocked with a grin.

Polla just grunted and led me out with her arm still around me. I was about to call her out on her weird behavior before she said, "You got another challenge today."

"What?!" I barely shouted. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It came in a package early this morning when you were still in the shower. I only remembered it when you and Naomi were talking about your arm. I still didn't want to tell you about because I didn't want you running off to fight someone with no weapon..."

"Don't worry about that! I have a back-up!" I actually shouted. "Now, where is the duel taking place?"

"It's taking place in the abandoned hospital on...wait..." said Polla. "...If you have another sword, then why did you freak out when your other sword was broken?!"

"That's because...that...forget about it! Just tell me where I have to fight!" I replied.

I really do not want to tell Polla about the Three Girls Rumba right now. Now, I just need to pour blood down the ladder...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be a GAS. (Sorry about the wait. I've been having computer problems.)


	9. Barely Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Temporary sword, new enemy, and new match!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot going on here. I'm going to have to focus to keep up...anyway, enjoy the magic!

~Polla's POV~

"Jacob's Ladder?" I asked while driving Shinobu down to Kojima's Medicals. I still can't get over what a weird name that is for a sword.

"Yes, Jacob's Ladder. I used it while I doing a few favors for Travis..." said Shinobu while holding her katana in her lap. Wait...

"Travis? Who's Travis?" I asked. Shinobu actually appeared embarrassed by that question.

"He's...uh...he's someone...nevermind, just drive me to the site!"

My inner troll took over as soon as I heard the pauses. "Is he your boyfriend?" I said with a nervous grin (I never said I was  _good_ at trolling).

"No!" Shinobu said while blushing...I think. "He's my old master...or, he will be, as soon as I finish training with Ai."

"Oh?" I said, trying not to sound too interested. "Is he strong?"

"Well..." said Shinobu like a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl describing her favorite boy band member. "...He was the one who chopped off my arm..."

"WHAT?!" I shouted while turning to look at her. "And you want to train with this maniac?!"

"Polla..." said Shinobu while looking straight ahead.

"Geez, I know you like to fight, but this is taking it too far!" I continued. "I mean, you don't see me asking for dating tips from my last boyfriend!"

"Polla..." Shinobu said again, this time sounding more nervous.

"No! Shinobu, I'm sorry, but you have the self-preservation of a lemming who just lost his job" I kept going, ignoring the bumps in the road. "You always throw yourself into one situation after another, not caring about what might happen to you! I don't want to keep watching out for---"

"THE ROAD!!! POLLA, WATCH THE ROAD!!!" 

I briefly froze before I turned back to the road and realized that we were headed right towards a shop in a beat-up Toyota. I braked immediately, sending both Shinobu's and my head crashing into the dashboard and not even surprising the old man with a cane we both nearly just crashed into. I lifted my head off of the dashboard and put my hand on my forehead. Besides a bitch of a bump, there was no blood.

"Shinobu?" I half-whimpered. "Are you okay?

"Well, I wouldn't fucking know now would I, Polla?" Shinobu snapped back before using the rearview mirror to check her head for cuts. "Nice driving by the way."

"Look, I'm sorry I---" I stopped my apology when I noticed something happening outside Shinobu's window. A group of men dressed in suits were using a crane to lift a trailer from the ocean. Confused, I got out of the car and walked over to see what they were doing, ignoring Shinobu's shouted questions in the process.

<"Easy...easy...careful...God Kenji, you said you used to work in construction!" shouted one guy with a messy bowl-cut and bags under his eyes. As soon as I noticed that skin was paler than mine, I sighed. Awarena Akamine was fishing more junk out of the ocean.

"Again with this fishing crap! What are you even looking for?!" I shouted at Awarena, making sure my English was fast enough for only him understand.

<"Who said that?!"> Awarena shouted back before seeing me. "Oh...it's you. What do you want?"

"Come on Awarena...why are you doing stuff like this?" I said while giving him the best sympathetic look I could give with cracked glasses. "You know that Onna only has you doing this to keep you busy."

"I don't need a lecture about grunt work from  _you,_ not after how you messed up things with Min-Min." snorted Awarena while scratching his hair. "And the department sure does keep you on a short lease, making you watch over that psychotic ganguro girl."

"She's not ganguro and she's not psychotic. You know that she wouldn't be such a plug up your ass if you would just tell Onna to stop issuing these challenges and sending her men after her."

"What do you think I've been trying to do?!" croaked Awarena while putting one hand on his temple like he had a headache. "Do you know how much money we're losing over focusing on this girl?! I tried to talk the oyabun out of this stupid fucking vendatta, but she has this whole..."honor for the family" thing going on! I think she has seen Lady Snowblood too many times..."

I just just looked at him for a couple of sentence before saying, "Awarena, you're among the sanest of the Clubs. Can't you just think of some kind of way to convince Onna's husband to call off the challenges? You know, just talk to...what's his face." Wow, it's been so long since I've talked about him that I have forgotten his time.

Awarena was silent for a few seconds before he responded, "Maybe I could do that, but..."

<"HEY! YOU CAN'T COME THROUGH...MY SPLEEN!!!">

The confusing dying screams of that Yakuza member caused me and Awarena to turn around to see what caused it. We were greeted with a geyser of blood shooting into the the air from the recently opened waist of the man. Clearly visible behind the geyser was Shinobu, holding her bloodied katana.

"This...this was a set-up!" shouted Awarena while he backed away from me.

"What?! No!" I said, trying to convince him with my keen debating skills.

"You kept me distracted while that girl killed my men!" 

"No! It's not like that!" I added. I should go into politics. Really. "And Shinobu didn't kill your  _men_ , she just cut one guy in half! Maybe she just felt threatene---"

My reasoning was sadly undermined by Shinobu slashing more of Awarena's men left and right. After staring in shock, I finally yelled out, "Shinobu! Stop!".

She turned to look at me after cutting down the last of the workers, and gave me a weird look. Almost immediately, her face twisted into that of a killer's and she dashed towards me with her sword. I blocked with my arms but a gunshot rung out from behind me, making me drop my guard out of shock.

I opened my eyes and saw Shinobu being parried away by the shot from behind me. When I turned around to see where the shot came from, I realized that Shinobu wasn't coming for me, she was coming for Awarena. He was pulling out his stupid long revolver and Shinobu was trying to slash him before he do me in.

But the shot didn't come from Awarena's revolver. He had just pulled it out and didn't even have time to aim at me. No, the shot came from somewhere else. I looked behind Awarena and saw a familiar figure standing on top of a streetlight. My cracked glasses were still able to make out some of the mystery shooter's features, like the fact that they were a she, that she had a complexion that was almost as dark as Shinobu's, that she had two long braided rat-tails, that fact that she was wearing a shirt with "Ocean City or Buster!" printed on it, and that she was wearing blue short-shor...

Holy shit, it's Liberty.

**HOLY SHIT, IT'S LIBERTY!!!**

"Liberty!" I shouted at the smirking markswoman on top of the streetlight. She just tilted her head and answered, "Hey Polla. Been a while."

I just gave her a defeated expression before stammering out, "S-so, you really did join..."

"Aw, Polla..."Liberty said while giving a small pout. "You've been researching the Clubs for years. You should have known about me taking the top spot."

"Still..." I whispered to myself. Shinobu took this moment to remind us both that she was still there and still covered in blood.

"Hey! Girl that shot at Polla! Get down here so I can get a royal flush in this body part Poker!" shouted Shinobu at presumably Liberty and not the streetlamp.

"Oh, hi there!" said Liberty while crouching down on the lamp. "She's cute. Is she your next "idol"?"

I finally understood why Awarena was putting his hand to his temple earlier, and repeated the gesture out of respect.

"Well, I'll love to stay and chat, but I have business to attend to, and so does Akamine." said Liberty while stretching on top of the lamp. Awarena was already getting into the van he came here in. "Besides, your love-muffin there already has a challenge today, and I don't want to keep her. <See ya later!>"

Liberty jumped on Awarena's van just as it was pulling off, and soon they were both out of sight.

I just stood there godsmacked until Shinobu poked me with the hilt of her sword. "Hey..." she asked while sheathing her blade. "Are you going to mope all day, or all you going to drive me to the fight?"

That's it.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO FIGHT IF YOU DIDN'T KILL ALL THOSE GUYS!!! GODDAMMIT, WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST WAIT IN THE CAR FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES?!"

Shinobu just glared back and said, "Is that your thanks for me saving you? I'm not a kid Polla, I don't wait in the car. Also, I don't need you deciding whether or not I should fight. I came here to get stronger, and slaughtering the Clubs seems the quickest way to do that. Now are you driving me or not?"

...

After hearing that, I could only think one thing.

_Doesn't she care? Doesn't she care that she could get killed?_

As I walked back to the car, I found myself thinking of another question:

_Why do I care?_

***

We drove in a really uncomfortable silence to Kojima's Medicals. As we pulled up outside, I started thinking of the incident that closed this place down to keep myself from talking to Shinobu. Kojima's Medicals was a pretty shady but very famous hospital that specialized in lung treatments. The head doctor, Akira Wakamoto, was credited with saving over 300 lives before he took the top position. However, the reason that the hospital was seen as shady was because it supplied drugs to the Yakuza. The money they got for doing this allowed them to have up-to-date equipment so that can better treat patients.

Unfortunately, Akira got sick of giving away life-saving drugs to criminals. He had just started a family, and he wanted to be someone that his daughters could look up to (which would be kind of difficult considering that he was three feet tall). He was confident that the hospital could make enough money on its own to afford equipment. The Yakuza didn't bother to find out whether or not he was right, and they used the Clubs to teach him a lesson. Gomun had the place gassed, killing over 100 people...including Akira's visiting daughters.

I was snapped out of my thinking by Shinobu walking into the hospital. I half-consciously followed her inside while she looked around the entrance. Besides the slight hissing sound, there were chairs on the right lined up next to an elevator, and old vending machines next to another door. The white floor, white walls and white ceilings led to an onyx table with a swivel chair turned away from us.

Shinobu clicked her tongue and shouted, "Uh, hello?! Anyone here?"

The swivel chair turned around revealing...a little man wearing a gas mask and a lab coat. It's as if we walked into a post-apocalyptic version of Twin Peaks.

<"Hello there. Sorry to keep you waiting."> he said before getting out of his seat and grabbing a staff from underneath the desk. He walked in front of the desk and leaned against his much larger weapon. <"I apologize for the state of our arena. I'm afraid that I haven't had much time to pay for any help in tidying the place up.">

I just looked at him for a minute before I came to a realization. <"Wait...are you...Akria Wakamoto?!"> I asked, as if there were other little persons who hung around in abandoned hospitals in Japan.

<"Indeed I am."> Akria confirmed through his weird gas mask filter. <"I managed to snag this position from the former number six when his apartment was flooded with a certain gas.">

<"What gas?"> asked Shinobu.

<"This gas."> answered Akria before pressing a button on the top of his staff. The hissing sound I've been hearing since we came in increased, and I covered my mouth as soon as I figured out what it was. Shinobu started to cough as Akria stamped his staff on the floor.

<"Don't bother covering your mouths. You've been breathing in this gas since you've entered. I just increased the amount that has been wafting through the vents. But don't worry. You won't lose complete control of your bodies until thirty minutes have passed.">

"Bastard..." growled Shinobu before she turned to me. "Polla! Go outside!"

"But..." I started, trying to say that I want to be there for her but trying not to say that the narration would be pretty boring with me waiting out the battle outside.

"Just do it!" shouted Shinobu. Interpreting that as a command and not as the middle of an inspirational speech, I hurried outside to get some fresh air.

**SIX OF CLUBS: AKRIA WAKAMOTO**

Again, sorry for the disappointment, but I spent the next few minutes breathing in and out. That would have been enough of a thrill ride for me that day, but I couldn't help but feel that I should check on how Shinobu is doing in the poison-gas filled hospital. So, after taking a deep breath, I ran back inside and arrived just in time to see Shinobu get slammed to the floor from the air. 

"No good..." I heard Shinobu mutter with shorter breaths. "Can't breathe..."

<"Your resistance is admirable, Shinobu..."> said Akria as he stood in front of us while holding his staff behind his back. <"...but you cannot hope to retain your stamina while taking such short breaths. Your body has already taken in too much of the gas. It won't be too much longer now..">

It slowly dawned on me how screwed we were. I don't hear the hissing noise anymore so the gas seemed to have stop pouring in, but I still smell that there's enough of it to kill a room full of bodybuilders. And me running back in here just put all of it back in my lungs. Shinobu's out of breath and is going to die if I don't think of some...

_Breath..._

I stood over Shinobu before falling to the side of her and grabbing her face. "Polla...what are you..." she asked before her mouth was covered by mine. Praying that there was enough air left in me and that Shinobu would just forget about this long enough to get us to a hospital afterwards, I blew everything I had into her mouth. After my shitty CPR session, I crawled away and lied down near a wall. The last thing I saw was Shinobu getting up and unleashing something called a "red soil" against Akria. My eyes grew heavier as my breaths grew shorter and...sorry, I would love to tell you what happened next, but I just need to sleep for a little bit...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Ta-da?

**Author's Note:**

> Even though I use the names of real places in this story, they are not a reflection of their actual geography. Also, the names of the groups I use in this story have no affiliation with the very fake characters that are not owned by me and yet I still use. Please don't kill me.


End file.
